“The evolution of culture is ultimately determined by the amount of love, understanding and freedom experienced by its children… Every abandonment, every betrayal, every hateful act towards children returns tenfold a few decades later upon the historical stage, while every empathic act that helps a child become what he or she wants to become, every expression of love toward children heals society and moves it in unexpected, wondrous new directions.”
The above quote by Lloyd deMause holds an immense truth that goes unheeded by a significant number and with disastrous consequences. Failure to recognise the abuse of a child or worse, to recognise it and collude with it, results in, as deMause indicates – repetition.
Whilst sexual crimes against children are more widely recognised other abuses involving psychological and emotional abuse of children are not. Television programmes, adult comedy and often on FB, it is possible to witness repeated acts of the humiliation of a child for no other means than the ‘entertainment’ of adults.
Even when the process of humiliation is staged, it serves to reveal the ability of some adults to engage in, collude with and support the objectification of children. To gain pleasure from witnessing the emotional distress of a child is sadism and needs to be considered perverse.
Research tells us that repeated humiliation of a child is even more psychologically damaging in the long term than sexual abuse. Yet when such abuse is challenged it is often met with derision or dismissal. The fact the FB does not have a category to enable psychological abuse to be reported is an indicator of how collusive adult society remains in relation to the abuse of children.
It was not that long ago (1980’s) that I, as a young clinician, when pioneering the need to recognise child sexual abuse, along with others at the time were totally derided. Many attempts were made to silence us and discredit us. In relation to sexual abuse, that thankfully would seldom happen now – we all paid a cost but it was worth it.
However , It is woefully tragic and an indictment on adult society that other abuses remain acceptable by many. So, as in the 1980’s, children need voices that will not be silent. The issue of the psychological and emotional abuse of children is demanding the same. There is now in 2023 every need to speak for and voice for the voiceless – we must ! The cost of silence is ignorance and more, made clear in this closing quote from Alice Miller;
“It is not true that evil, destructiveness , and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression and humiliation is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to this production of evil.”
Our prisons and probation departments are full of adults caught in the cycle of abuse always, always, always defined by shame and humiliation. I see and hear their stories everyday. It is a powerful reminder that I am privileged to have a role in breaking repetition. No matter how many times I’m invited to repeat that shaming and humiliation, I always resist. Yes, that invitation can come from those who are its victims, often it’s all they know. But more often it comes from others, the wider public and even at times other so called professionals. It also can come from political figures who want to name and shame or view broken lives as a “lifestyle choice”. How perverse and inhumane is that!
Truth is we are all responsible for breaking cycles of abuse. By our shared humanity, we are all called to not repeat shame and humiliation. We are all called to live our lives awakened and not to repeat the evil that is shame and humiliation.
Br. Stephen Morris FCC
